DOING IT TO XS

Hi Mayhem it's Art Director. I was working hard on my spiritual development last Saturday, when all of a sudden I crashed my motorcycle hard into the armco barrier on the William Street horseshoe bridge. In rather spectacular fashion. I think it is a message from above. Someone up there is trying to tell me something. I think the message was delivered to me fairly clearly by Dave Rayner of the 650 Club. If you're going to see how fast you can go around a hairpin bend, said Dave, don't do it on a Yamaha XS 650.

I was abducted from the scene by a certain dominatrix named Mistress Callista, and taken back to her den in Mount Lawley. She charges $300 per hour for her services, double the going rate, to weed out the riffraff, she says. Her clients are accountants, lawyers, supreme court judges, you know, the straight dudes. Nothing sexual, she says, as she explains what she does to them. Sounds rather perverse to me. I met her biker boyfriend. They gave me a cup of sweet tea and chocolate, put colloidal silver on my wounds, and helped me get the mangled Yamaha twin home and round the back of my Harley Street address.

Inside the house, Mistress Callista was shouting at Jo19's big dog, Hunter S. Dogface. SIT DOWN YOU MONGREL!! she shouted repeatedly. After they left, Jo19 asked me what the shouting was all about. Oh, she's been spending too much time with supreme court judges, I explained.

Later I dropped my pants to show Jo19 and Maya the damage i had done to myself. They were horrified. They had never seen anything so swollen and engorged with blood. Thankfully, my thigh is getting better now.

I manage to hobble into court today for the first of my cameo appeareances. The judge is very lenient, understanding no doubt that I am a sensitive artistic type, (i.e. broke) and he fines me only $600 on ten counts. That's $60 each. Not bad. Speaking of counts, we must finish watching Andy Warhol's 'Blood for Dracula' as I think our Town of Vincent film should follow its stylistic lead.

Mistress Callista wants some photographs taken for her website. Professional work. What do you say, Mayhem? Is this a job we should take on? We do have our standards and reputation to consider.

Art Director out.