Curried egg sandwiches
2 freshly-laid eggs
4 slices bread
Lightly smear a pan with butter and place on a hot plate on medium heat.
Swear loudly. Once the butter is melted, crack the eggs and drop them into the pan. Do this with one hand and try not to break the yolk. Once this technique is perfected, everyone will want to sleep with you.
Wash the lettuce. Use water only. Do not use detergent or scourers. Spin the lettuce in a salad spinner, or shake vigorously, as if you were playing a bunch of silent green maracas. Swear loudly. Chop the cos lettuce with a knife, or simply tear into small pieces like a parking fine, swearing loudly.
Take two slices of toast, or raw toast, if you prefer. Butter lightly with Lurpak. Accept no substitute. Smear on some vindaloo paste. Not too much. Once the egg whites are cooked and the yolk is still soft, somehow get the egg out of the pan and onto the bread.
If it is a Teflon-coated pan, don't use a metal egg-slice or there will be trouble. Place the egg on one slice of bread. Scatter lettuce on top like flowers on a grave. Place another slice of bread on top, buttered side down, to form a sandwich. Swear loudly.
Repeat the process with the other egg.