Friday, October 12, 2007


This week Mayhem and i utilise our free classified advertising with the newspaper to place some classy classies. I send an email to Rachellarella to put in some ads for next week.

WANTED TO BUY: Cheap car, licensed, running or not, under $500, suit journalist.
Phone Mark 0405 *** 646.

HOUSESITTER AVAILABLE Short or long term, reliable, trustworthy journalist. Police clearance available. Good with plants and pets.
Phone Melinda 0422 *** 199.

WANTED Food, for journalists. Phone Mark or Melinda 99** 2222.

Writing Melinda's ad is difficult: she wants to advertise that she has a police clearance.
Do you have a police clearance? i ask.
Then you'd better put "police clearance available". Tell them it's available, but they need to pay the $40 fee so you can get it done.
Why, do you think they will ask to see it?
I would, if you turned up at my house.

Mayhem also wants to advertise herself as a "professional" housesitter.
What do you mean, "professional"? I ask. Have you house-sat before?
Do you have references?
So what makes you think you're "professional"?
Well, i've lived in a house before.

Just when i think it is all going persimmon-shaped, the phone rings. It's an elderly lady, who saw my desperate ad for a cheap car in a previous paper.
Her name is Bond. Jill Bond. And she has lost her license due to arthiritis, the poor dear.
Well, i say.
"It's just that i have a powder blue 1978 Mercedes Benz 280E, six cylinder automatic, licensed until December."
Yes, i say. But people call me saying they have cheap cars, but it's not what i mean by cheap... i mean it might be cheap for that car, but... well, how much are you asking?
"$500," she says.
Mayhem, i yell. I've found our car.
What is it? she asks.
Merc. 280E. '78.
Same model as mine, she says. You know, i was just saying today, i miss driving my old car.

Next thing we will get a mansion in the Northwater Estate to house-sit. I just know it.

Tomorrow we are at the Novotel Ningaloo Resort in Exmouth, writing a food review. Free food and accommodation. And the ads aren't even in yet!

Still. If you don't ask, you don't get.

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