GOBSMACKED IN SEXMOUTH

Mayhem and i have made a decision. A commitment, even.

We are not drinking rum, not ever again.

It is part way through the interview with the head chef at the Novotel in Exmouth (or Sexmouth as Colby calls it - Sexmouth, and Oral Bay) part way through a serious magazine interview that things begin to go a bit pawpaw-shaped. It is six-thirty in the evening, and we have been drinking steadily since our arrival at one-thirty. The chef is telling me about the menu for the poolside "Moonrise on Sunset" dinners they put on here over three nights, once every month on the full moon. They clear an area on the grass around the pool, and put on silver-service dining for couples as the sun rises over the Gulf. Barbecued scallops, wrapped in pancetta. I ask the chef how he got started in the food business. He says, well actually, he has always wanted to be a palaeontologist.

"I know," says Mayhem suddenly. She has been sitting relatively quietly at the table until now, drinking a lethal-looking green rum-and-lime cocktail from a brandy balloon. "Wouldn't it be cool if a dinosaur suddenly appeared, just walking across the landscape."

The chef and i turn to stare at her. She continues.
"I mean, it's the kind of landscape where you might expect it to happen. It's just so, so - "

Random?

" - so ancient. It's as if there could still be dinosaur eggs lying about, only no-one knows."
We nod, and begin to discuss the difficulties of the labour market. The other Novotel chef is from the Philippines, and is working at the resort on a 457 skilled migration visa.

Mayhem is watching the chef closely over the rim of her glass.
"What are you doing after work? What time do you finish? What are you doing then? Do you want to come for a drink?"

I can feel the situation beginning to spiral out of control. The chef and i contemplate Mayhem as she sips her lime-green cocktail.
"We're in room 408 if you want to come up."
That's ok, says the chef. Mayhem has taken a shine to him.

As she says to me later, after we return to our luxury apartment number 408, it was the palaeontology that did it.
"It's just so exciting," she says. She takes another drink, then gets on the phone to see if room service can send up the chef.