Thursday, January 01, 2009


It's New Year. A special night of the year, chronologically speaking. I'm figuring i'll grill me some catfish and make new muffler brackets for the 650. Then Nurse Nikki phones from Dunsborough. Nurse Nikki. We have an interesting, ongoing, long distance confabulation. It involves her phoning me, at odd hours and usually naked, and recounting her sexual adventures.

"Hi Mark."
"Hi. I was just about to call you." It's true. Straight after the catfish. I need somewhere to stay this weekend. I just wasn't sure how to ask without it sounding like an indecent proposal. "What's happening in Nurse Nikkiland."
"Not much, going to the pub, chilling out. Watching my new house getting built. What about you."
"Not much. Going to the beach. I was hoping to get away to Southbound on Friday. What you up to tonight."
"Going to the pub later to see some reggae. But right now I'm just lying here naked on the floor."
"Oh, ok."
"It's one of the advantages of having the whole house to yourself."
"For sure."
"I just got out of the shower, so i thought i'd call you."
"Good idea."
"Who are you - uhhh - taking to Southbound."
"Oh. I'm giving the other ticket to Miss Polly. I kind of promised. And we've been getting on a lot better since she stopped speaking to me and left town."
"I thought you were going to ask me."
"I thought you told her to get lost."
"So where are you going to stay."
"Oh. I was just going to sleep on the ground."
(As if.)
"You can stay with me if you like."
"Oh really? That's a good idea. It sounds like the place to be at the moment."
"Yeah, well my parents are away... it's their beach house, but they're hardly ever here really - oh, you mean because i'm lying here naked."
"Uh huh."
"Well as i said i just got out of the shower. I'm just - ahhh - relaxing, you know. Unh."
"Uhhh." Pause. "Have you spoken to Mickey T lately."
We share an ex. My ex-flatmate, her ex-boyfriend.
"No, not really, just on Vicebook, but he's not been online much. I think he's out sailing. There's a picture of him toying with a shark on Dr Case's page. They're out in Shark Bay."
"I haven't heard from him for ages. So what's your New Year's resolution."
"Uh - "
"Mine is not to have any more casual sex. Not until i'm back in a serious relationship."
"Yeah. No more casual sex until i'm in a serious relationship, and if that means i don't have any more sex for as long as i live, well, so be it."
"Heavy duty. For as long as you live. That's a long time."
"Yes, i told my friend, and she goes, Nikki, that's the same New Year's resolution you made last year."
"Oh. How long did that last."
"About an hour. But i'm a lot older now, and a lot wiser. This time i mean it."
"So how old are you - all of about twenty-five?"
"No, I'm thirty! So what's your New Year's resolution."
"Me. I've got two. Number one is no more serious relationships, and number two is plenty of casual sex. Really casual. Like, not even paying attention."
"You can ring me up and tell me about it."
"Sure. Before, during, or after?"
"During would be better. That way I can live a sex life vicariously through you. Not much of one, though, by the sounds of it."
"I'll see what i can do. And i'll give you a call when i get into town."
"So it's OK to come stay this weekend."
"We can lie around and talk about how our New Year's resolutions are coming along."
"Sure. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year."

I hang up. That's the New Year thing sorted. Now the catfish.

1 comment:

ramsnake said...

A perfect new years tale.